Rocket Baba

Portrait of Rocket and Jeannie at Ozran beach (small Vagator), Goa. copyright Alex Fernandes Portraits.

Good Sadhu Babas should never be as you expect them to be and Rocket Baba is no exception.

Over seventy years in age, he has the body of a fit thirty year old, his skin and eyes are clear and his voice just booms. He arrives at the house of his student like an angry demi- god. He sits himself on the charpoy cot and we gather at his feet like children. Once he is suitably seated and in control, he orders chai and surveys the group at his feet.He takes the time to notice me, but I know he has already been briefed about me by my brother Gopal.

“Madam that course you did in Kerala? It’s all BULLSHIT!” He roars by way of greeting. Rocket Baba is an expert on the medicinal uses of the plant Neem and has spent many years in the jungle as well as the laboratory exploring the healing qualities of the plant.

“They just taught you monkey stuff! There is never any circumstance when hot metal should be applied to the body.”

He is talking about a massage course I did in Kerala.

“They corrupt an ancient science to create duplicates!”

I think of the guy who taught practical massage technique pole-vaulting around the room to the tune of the Brazilian students pseudo orgasmic moans (when she was GIVING the massage) and have to agree with him.

“ROCKET science is the only truth,” He announces firmly. He points his bony finger at my designer bag.

“Do you have a rocket in that woman’s bag of yours?”

By Rocket he means a chillum, the clay pipe used for communication with the gods via smoking ganja.I don’t.

“Well then Madam you are nothing but a duplicate!”

Now I really like a Baba who will insult and challenge you immediately upon meeting, he reminds me of a mild version of my own Baba ji.

A lot of people prefer to cleave to a white robed swami with a permanent expression of bliss on his or her face but I am a child of the Kali Yuga and things just aren’t that blissful anymore so the bossy warrior type take no crap kind of Baba is my Baba of choice. Anyway, compared to the Naga Sadhu I lived with, this guy is really quite mild.

“Jai Ho Baba ji” is always the best response to outrageous Baba’s and I pull my ears to show my repentance for being a duplicate.

“Rocket is the oldest artefact in the world. It symbolises the only one true eternal truth. Everything Goes Up In Smoke. Dust to dust, ashes to ash!”

“So Madam you get yourself a chillum and you keep it in your (he pauses to sneer) woman’s bag. And when you go back to your country while they search through your stuff at the airport. Then Light your rocket!

I imagine the scene at Auckland Airport if I somehow managed to light a chillum in the arrivals hall.

“You are laughing?”
I am.

I pull my ears again but I am sure Rocket Baba is pulling my leg.

He isn’t.

“Madam this is Rocket Science, its only for True Rocket Stars not duplicates! If you take my advice you will have freedom. You light a chillum. They immediately assume you are mad. So?”

He fixes me with his hazel stare.

Less said the better at this stage, I think.

I flip my eyebrows in question.
“No criminal charge! Only they take you to the nut house. They think you must be mad. Then after three months in the crazy house, bed, food everything supplied, they give you a crazy paper. Your governments pay you to be crazy! And with that you are free!”

Free to be a rocket star!

By Dianne Sharma (December 19th, 2009). Reproduced from Wanderlust and Lipstick Dianne's Blog.
Also see Jeannie Kurz's web site neemhealthcare.com about Baba's work with Indian naturopathy.